Neighborhood-Kids All Local. All for Kids. All the Time.

My family, the family of my creation and generation, is a blended family if ever there was one. In fact, at a recent Stitch N' Bitch group, one woman mentioned having a unique family and my girlfriend said, "if you can top Syd's family, I will be amazed."

I have two daughters by different dads. One dad is remarried to a woman who I now count as one of my best friends. And his parents still have me and my girls over for dinner every other week, and they still treat me like family. They've virtually adopted my youngest daughter as a blood granddaughter, babysitting when I need extra help and showing up as the third set of grandparents to her birthday party. And both dads will happily watch both girls for me if I need help, without any question or weirdness - it's never the smallest issue. Joy doesn't know what the word "half-sister" means, Clara is just her sister, period.

I rarely give it much thought, until I run into a family who doesn't work this way. And then it makes me pause to think about why we are different. I think it's largely because we try to focus on the good things about one another. On mother's day, I wanted to be sure that Joy's step-mom was thoroughly included. And not in a token way as a "step" mom, but as a mom. Because as I told her, if Joy gets her period on the week she's at her dad's house, it's not going to matter that the child was not pushed out of her body seven years ago. It's going to be all her.

And as far as the dads go, things didn't work out for us in the relationship department. But I did great in the dad department. Both of them love their daughters above all else, and I wouldn't ask for any more than that, I am a lucky mom.

It's not perfect, and even as I write this, I am thinking about things in the back of my mind that I need to work harder at. But here's the bottom-line truth: I think that my girls benefit from having parents and grandparents that love them so much that they ultimately can set aside all the rest of the junk - even if some days it's just for appearances. What they know is that they have a whole "family" full of people (some of whom they may not be able to easily explain their technical relationship to) who love them dearly. And that makes me happier than I can say.

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Cross-posted from singlesupermama.com

I know it's not a unique experience to me; being a mom who is experiencing her own growing pains as she watches her little girl grow up. But it doesn't seem to make it any easier.

Just over one year ago, Joy started kindergarten. Each day brought new anxieties about how school would start and end, and what would happen in the middle. Either her dad or I would walk her all the way to her classroom, and wait inside the room until the first bell rang and the teacher arrived. She was often ready with the "class teddy bear" for Joy to hold. There were days that Joy cried during lunchtime, saying she just wanted her mom. I thought my heart was going to break then.

And now, she's almost done with first grade. I drop her off outside of school, where her friends are waiting for her. And this morning, she forgot to give me a kiss as she passed - she had already seen her group of 3 little girl friends by the bike stands and was running towards them as she hollered back, "LOVE YOU TOO, MOM!"

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Cross-posted from singlesupermama.com

During the first years, holidays as a single mom were really hard. Especially mother's day and birthdays. There's no breakfast in bed or sleeping in. No help with the laundry or break from diaper changes... but I'm finally getting the idea of how to enjoy the holidays instead of wallowing like a spoiled brat. It's to get us out of the house for the day so that we all enjoy ourselves!

When a client asked me what we were doing for this Mother's Day, I was excessively honest (as I always seem to be, for better or worse). I'm having brunch with my ex-husband and his wife, and his parents. And our combined kids. She asked me if I was joking. Which I wasn't. (Why I can't just answer with something simple like "having brunch with family, thanks for asking" is another topic for another day...)

We had a great mother's day out and about. I didn't have to cook or do any dishes. And I was reminded once again how amazingly blessed I am to have such a unique family, full of people who love me and my kids regardless of how odd we might look from the outside.

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Cross-posted from singlesupermama.com

Joy just turned seven!! We've been planning a sparkle birthday party at her request... with "no singing" - also at her request. Since she was old enough to speak in understandable sentences, she has made sure that no one sings the Happy Birthday song - she starts confirming this a week or two in advance. "Mom, make sure everyone knows not to sing." "You're going to tell people right?" "When people come will you tell them right when they walk in?" I think she's been traumatized by the Red Robin singing troupes... but I digress.

The point of my story is that I wanted to have a no-gift party. "Presence not presents." Because heaven knows we don't have space for more stuff in our little house - and does she really need more things, anyway? So a few weeks ago, before we sent the invitations, I broached this subject to Joy. She looked at me like I was sprouting a second nose right before her eyes. "MOM. The presents are the best part of a birthday party." The best part? The best part? Am I a complete failure as a parent? Have I taught her nothing about love and friendship and what is really important in this world?

Suffice it to say... she was blessed with both presence AND presents this birthday. And I am happy to report that although she was excited about the presents, I think she was genuinely more excited about the presence of the same small handful of friends and family that celebrated with her when she turned one year old. Happy Birthday, sweet girl!

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Cross-posted from singlesupermama.com

This morning I am making chocolate chip cookies. Because on a day like Valentine's Day, when I am mainlining chocolate for all manner of reasons, it's good to have something of substance to put the chocolate in. Like cookies. And voila, a meal!

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You can read more about Syd’s mis-adventures at singlesupermama.com