'Tis the season. 'Tis the first year I've had to think seriously about what the season's hoildays mean to me, what they signify to my spouse, and then in turn figure out what we want the holidays to look and feel like for our child. This is a big deal for me.
When I first began ruminating about the approaching holidays, I was filled with a vague sense of dread. More than anything else, I felt sure that my vision for celebrating would run up against strong opposition from family members on both sides. What if we celebrate Solstice? What is Santa all about? Should we volunteer at a shelter on Christmas morning instead of opening gifts? How radical is too radical? Which traditions are vital to honoring our family and culture? How would it be possible to create our own rituals without offending family members who have done things differently and have such strong emotional ties to certain practices? I could go on.
First, there is The Great Gift Debate. The whole concept of TGGD touches such a raw nerve for so many people that it is suprisingly difficult to speak openly about it. This, to me, demonstrates the powerful stronghold that consumer culture has on us, particularly during the holidays. Depending on who you talk to, exluding or drastically limiting gifts on Christmas (or any other day of the year) can either seem like the greatest way to help children understand what truly matters, or be the cruelest form of senseless parental control. Although there seems to be an emerging willingness to discuss TGGD (stories and op-ed pieces are showing up in the New York Times, Slate, and on NPR), the issue largely remains taboo.
Then there is the question of religion. No controversy there, eh? Huh. Phil (my spouse) grew up as a practicing Catholic and now considers himself more of a cultural Catholic, while I grew up with an inconspicuous absence of religion and now consider myself to be - much like Phil - spiritually curious. What's remarkable is that our Christmas experiences were really quite similar, except for Phil's family counting down the days of Advent with a sort of miniature re-enactment of Christ's birth involving their wooden naitivity scene, and of course going to church. Otherwise, our memories are fairly consistent with each other: hanging the stockings, trimming the tree, cozying up as a family by the hearth and opening presents. The tricky part here is first examining what we wish to illuminate for our own son, and then how we will go about doing that: should we emphasize a Catholic interpretation of the story of Jesus or a more generic version that is adapted to our ever-evolving spirituality? And again; how?
Essentially my greatest fear is that we will not give conscious thought to these important issues, and we will simply default into whatever rituals are predominant and convenient - whether they be driven by commerce, politics, or religion. My greatest hope is that each holiday season will come as an opportunity for our family to do things together with love that will set the tone for a new year of gratitude, hope, giving of ourselves, and peace for all people.