Neighborhood-Kids All Local. All for Kids. All the Time.

Meeting Friends With Babies In Bellingham

by Jill Burns11/21/2007 6:39:23 PM

It’s like buying a new car and suddenly seeing the same make and model at every traffic light.  Being a new mom in Bellingham means abruptly realizing that this place is lousy with babies.  Before my pregnancy, I categorized our fair city primarily as a mecca for sporty twenty- and thirty-somethings who rode their bikes to bars and bought hipster shirts at Goodwill.  And, of course, this is a college town – I actually live on campus in staff housing – so admittedly I have a warped view of the overall city demographic, but still, the flurry of babies here is nothing less than astonishing to me.  Sure, when I was pregnant I started to see a few other pregnant women around town, but my vision is so blotted with children now that I can hardly turn a corner without the jostle and din of babies permeating the landscape.

So.  They’re out there.  New moms.  Kids in tow.  Just like me.  Now what?  It’s hard to know where to start when trying to infiltrate our local parents-and-kids scene, and for a shy person like me, it smacks of those agonizing nights I spent with my Jordache-clad backside planted against the gym wall as I watched all of the other middle-schoolers dance to the Go-Gos and squeal with dramatic laughter.  Thankfully, with all sickening nostalgia aside, the more mature me has been slowly recognizing a few important steps in the quest for feeling at home as a Bellingham mother/baby team.

First, I had to figure out a way to transport my baby.  “Yeah, yeah, big deal,” you might say – but make no mistake, the way you decide to get your baby from point A to point B has certain influence on what you do in Bellingham.  Initially, there is the baby-wearing versus baby-toting divergence, which I discovered not to be an either/or situation after all.  Sometimes it is easier to keep the darn kid in a car seat while running into a store to pick up one or two items, and sometimes it is less hassle to slip the little bean into a sling and saunter around the park while he sleeps.  Likewise, trying to muscle a tiny-wheeled stroller around Bellingham’s many trails can make you want to hurl the wimpy little thing into the bay, yet maneuvering a doublewide jogger through the aisles of a quaint Fairhaven boutique can increase your heart rate and induce sweating more than any actual jogging.  Nevertheless, armed with a few options for mobility, the first important step can be taken – getting out of the house.

Mother-and-baby classes can be a good idea, or so I thought until I got to a postnatal yoga class and essentially spent the hour nursing, changing diapers, walking and shushing my baby (albeit to some nice Tibetan chanting) as the other moms all balanced drowsing babies on their bellies in bridge pose.  This was also the place where I learned a hard lesson about comparing my baby to others.  When I scanned the room, all I saw were ample, rotund cherubs – my baby was skinny and long.  I left the class bawling, convinced my child was abnormal and miserable.  After his weight caught up a bit, I looked back at weeks of obsessive behavior and suffering on my part, and decided I’d never fall into the comparison trap again.  To be sure, I’m not writing off mother/baby classes yet – I’ve signed up for swimming lessons this fall. This time around I’m sure I’ll be more concerned with my own cherubic thighs in a swimsuit than how my child adds up against the others.

Besides attending organized groups like classes and parenting meetings, I’ve found that finding a favorite kid-friendly haunt and going there regularly has yielded some fruitful results in regards to meeting folks.  Just like my mom always said, if you get lost, just stay in the same place.  Same concept here – if you are feeling overwhelmed trying to chase down all of the best local spots for kids and moms, instead you can continue to go back to your favorite park bench or café and wait for other moms and babies to approach you.  If you are at a loss for where to start, I suggest going to the Saturday Market, Bellingham Public Library, or Community Food Co-op.  If there are three places in Bellingham where children are more ubiquitous, I’ve yet to find it.  I’ve also been trying to scout out all of the parks in town with those baby swings with the leg-holes; great for meeting moms with younger babies. 

No matter where you are, be sure to have a few great quips at the ready for other moms and casual observers who comment on your baby.  You will be undoubtedly asked how old your baby is, told how cute he is, and introduced to other children.  After inadvertently killing conversations with clipped, straightforward, one-word replies, I’ve learned to spice it up a bit:  “We’re not sure how old he is…He’s looks like old Uncle Arty – toothless, bald, drooling…Hi Lily, how’s your long division coming along?”  Okay, those suggestions could come across as weird or hokey, but you get the idea.  The trick is to keep the conversation going.  I’ve found that most other moms really do want to chat.

Recently I was at a picnic for my spouse’s work, where there were a few other kids running around.  I asked one of the moms how she went about negotiating the Bellingham parents-and-kids landscape.  She furrowed her brow and stated simply, “I already had some friends who were pregnant and giving birth around the same time as I was.  Thank goodness.”  So, others might just be feeling the same way I do – a little intimidated, perhaps.  But I am not willing to throw in the towel quite yet.  For those of us who couldn’t convince our best friends to have kids at the same time we did, we need to persevere.  In an open and caring place like Bellingham, I’m convinced that cracking the code to the parent/kid culture here is just around the next jungle gym.

A Note About the Author: Jill Burns

Jill Burns, a freelance writer and English teacher, is trying her hand at full-time parenting for the first year of her son's life. She enjoys writing poetry, creative non-fiction, and reviews. She enjoys living in Bellingham because of all the outdoor activities, like sea kayaking and hiking.