Considering Family Counseling
by Jim Schmotzer10/19/2009 10:27:54 AM
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Has your family considered seeing a counselor? Every family needs help. Sometimes all you need is a friend to talk with over coffee; at other times, a crisis that shakes the foundational essence of all that defines family requires professional attention. Time with a counselor can meet deep needs or help to avoid certain problems at times, providing assistance to regain balance, cohesiveness, and direction for your family.
Here are some questions and considerations that might cross your mind if your family might begin counseling:
How do you know when you need a counselor?
Every situation is unique. The best place to start is by knowing yourself, your family, and shared, guiding values.
Sometimes a counselor can help with learning. They can assist the family in improved communication, relationship building, goal setting, and direction clarification. These sessions are similar to preventative maintenance with a car; manage small hiccups on a regular basis to help avoid an unnecessary crisis in the future.
Other times, counseling is needed to intervene in a moment of despair. Perhaps the proverbial wheels have fallen off and the family is in conflict. Depression (or other mental/emotional illness), divorce, death, physical illness, loss of income, juvenile delinquency, and academic failure are some of the primary areas that can drive a family to the edge of implosion. While we never want to experience any of these conflicts, they often come our way without warning and help is necessary to continue forward.
Who should go to counseling (in the family system)?
The answer is easy. Anyone who is impacted by the situation should attend counseling sessions, which usually involves the entire family. Crisis can hit each person in a unique way and each family member needs to be a part of the healing. Sometimes group sessions are helpful; at other times, one-on-one meetings allow individuals to express their emotions without pressure from other family members. A combination of these types of sessions is also useful.
How do you pick a counselor?
Ask your family physician for recommendations. Talk to friends or other trusted professionals. Browse the Internet for local services. You will also want to research how your health insurance may incorporate counseling services in your provider’s plan.
When you find a possible counselor, begin with a phone call. Ask about their experience in your area of need. Discuss their style and process when working with clients. Inquire about their experience in working with the age groups that include your family members.
When you find a counselor that meets your initial needs, arrange a first meeting. The first meeting will provide a practical opportunity to evaluate the sense of "match." If you do not feel comfortable with or connect with the counselor, do not feel obligated to stick them. This is about you getting the help you need; move on, when necessary.
What should the kids expect?
Help prepare your children by discussing why the family is going to counseling and what you hope to accomplish. Remember to promote an atmosphere of flexibility as well; an individual child might find comfort in maintaining a regular schedule, while another might need time off from sports or other activities to recuperate during an emotional time.
Schedule changes or unpredictable behavior means that you should keep teachers and others who work closely with your child informed of the process as well. They can also provide a significant resource in evaluating how your child is doing in the midst of a difficult situation.
Final Thoughts
Remember that counseling is about helping to strengthen families in good times, and to provide support if intervention is needed in crisis situations. Don’t miss out on having the best family experience possible because of a reluctance to seek available help.